Blog

Welcome to the blog! This is where I publish reflections on society, mental wellbeing, and sense of self. I also share personal experiences and what I have learned from them. Understanding the world through writing and discussion is one of my biggest passions. 

You can subscribe to get posts sent directly to your inbox at the bottom of this page, or by following me on Substack. I love to hear from people, so I eagerly invite you to comment on Substack or email me at michaelzzakiwrites@gmail.com to start a conversation! I hope you enjoy reading.

Pets can have just okay lives too

The internet is full of advice and criticism; how much does it matter?

I have two rabbits, and if you know anything about pet rabbits, you may know that they’re a bit fragile. Their digestive systems fully shut down sometimes if you don’t catch symptoms quickly, so it’s understandable that people can be a little extreme with their concerns about them.

But — I’ve seen this about every type of pet: intense, extreme advice and critique, that ultimately seems to be sending the message: if you cann

I don’t want to like everyone in my community

Learning what a community is as an adult has been a journey.

I grew up very isolated outside of school; I wasn’t connected to much — not to my neighborhood, not to a religious community, not to any group. I was home a lot, with my family and media. I didn’t know what belonging to people felt like.

When I was able to go away to college, I learned what it felt like to have a community for the first time. In college, community is easy. Everyone is within walking distance, you have some things in

Therapy isn’t for everyone

“Not going to therapy is a red flag”

Recently, someone reminded me of what it was like to talk about therapy in 2005. I had literally forgotten, because the transition was so quick, in a lot of ways. Honestly, I thought the positive view of therapy wasn’t actually that widespread, I was just surrounding myself with people who feel positive about seeking mental health treatment. I thought that surely, it’s more widespread, but things must not have fully changed, right?

I’m actually still not su

“I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year holds for you!”

Sometimes I see a brief interaction and imagine a lot around it — a place, a relationship, a way of feeling, a way of being in the world.

How does a person who might say that feel about life? They are assuming positive things happen, that they will happen. They want to see others’ happy — not just that they want them to be happy, they want to see it. They anticipate it. Others’ joy gives them joy.

The compulsion to control ideas

I have one of those neurodivergent compulsions to correct what feels like misinformation; I always have. That has driven so much of my writing. I have a deep sense of injustice when people have the wrong idea about basically anything. When real injustice is involved, I feel even more strongly, more intensely — I feel more immediately frustrated and activated.

In my early to mid twenties, that involved a lot of yelling at people online. It was exhausting trying to put out the fires I see startin
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk on Pexels

Sometimes it’s a puzzle, not an obstacle course

I’m used to obstacles. I’m disabled, and a lot of the time it feels like arbitrary difficulties stand between me and things I need or want to do. Sometimes they are unavoidable difficulties, and sometimes they are situations that would be easily solved by infrastructural accessibility.

Sometimes, however, I’m so used to that, I think that in all challenging situations I just need to try harder. So I try harder, and harder, and harder.

One of my

Are you actually failing or just poor?

Are you failing or are you just poor?

I realized one day in 2020 that I had not been irresponsible my whole life, I had been poor. That day, for the first time, I solved a small mistake with money.

I had just gotten a pet rabbit, and bought foam mats to protect my floor, in case of scratching or accidents. He chewed them up immediately. I felt so bad about myself for wasting the money and creating this problem for myself, until I realized I had the money in those days to just go buy something else.
Photo by Mathilde Langevin on Pexels

When our current self is never enough for us

It used to be more important to me to be the best version of myself. I used to believe that self improvement was one static, linear thing. Either we’re moving forward or we’re backsliding.

It now feels arrogant, looking back, that I thought in 2015 that I was “improving myself” as a person, and that the only way I could improve further was to try “harder” to keep improving. I had no idea how much people grow without trying so hard, and how trying so hard d
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There is no moral obligation to be normal

There is so much pressure in various marginalized groups to prove it’s not our “fault” we are certain ways — fat, trans, gay, bisexual, etc.

We feel we have to prove we are healthy fat people. Or genetically fat people. Because it wasn’t our “fault”.

We feel we have to find a gay gene or show how our trans brains are different from cis people’s.

We feel we have to show our health conditions were not our fault.

We feel we have to beg for safety by pr
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels

Therapy isn't a test

Many people talk about wanting their therapist to like them, and to feel like they’re doing a good job at therapy. They will say that they deep down want to be their therapist’s favorite client. They worry that they’re not succeeding at therapy, or bothering their therapist. I always wish someone would tell them that it’s safe to let go of that, so I’m going to try.

If you’re feeling like you’re only safe when you’re liked by people you interact with, I hope that it helps to hear that needing a